Our Two Sons: October 2009

pumpkins

Current Fascination

We have become quite taken with Scarecrows...and have constructed one.

A boy and his scarecrow.

Inspired by the boy Scarecrow Pete.

No no Bridges Falling down

Oh the Lord is good to ....eat?

In conclusion

In conclusion (to my week long posting about my run...I love you Turtledash!) I want to try and sum up what I was unable to say on Sunday morning at the start of the Turtledash.

I want to end by thanking Mariza. Mariza, for whom 2009 is possibly? not the best year. But for whom this year will always be memorable. And who was the driving force behind why I started the Turtledash in the first place.

Originally, a reason for us to get together, to stay connected though we were almost nine hours apart. I would drive to Spokane for Bloomsday and she would come to the Turtledash and our friendship would continue to grow. In theory, because I? Am awesome and worth knowing, gosh darn it!

Things were different this year. I wanted to make the Turtledash memorable, not only as a tribute to Erik, but also as a tribute to my friend. At the time, I did not realize how hard that would be on all of us. Wanting to make the Turtledash special also meant I wanted to get it right and that meant a lot of pestering emails to Mariza and a lot of searching through pictures on her end. Hard.

It made me realize just, how hard each one of the upcoming memorial runs will be on her and how special. I know that Mariza wants more than anything to keep Erik’s memory and legacy alive. Not for her, but for her girls, and for his extended family of friends and runners. I know helping me organize this year was hard on her. But worth it. For her and for me.

In all the speeches, and tributes to Erik the focus has been on what an incredible man he was. And he was. Incredible. An amazing man, father, husband, brother, son, friend, runner...the list goes on. He was someone I wanted to be like. He was someone, everyone wanted to be like. Not just me. In speech after speech after tribute, everyone said how he, made them a better person, he, set the standard, he, was the person they looked to for how to be a father, a friend, a husband, a brother, a man.

Lately though I have started to look past those sentiments of how incredible Erik was.

To Mariza.

To the women he chose to spend his life with. And while she was my friend first (before I met Erik) and I wanted to know her from the minute we discovered we were both grad students trapped in night school who weren't getting our runs in, right through the minute we became grad students, trapped in night school, and weekend classes, not getting our runs in and also pregnant, I found that I have almost overlooked her in the last few months.

So much has been focused on Erik and how amazing he was (and he was) that I'm afraid I have forgotten to see my friend.

Her strength, Her resilience. Her endurance in this race because it must be run, there is no stopping. There is only, going on. At every turn she has proven to be just as amazing, just as awesome, just as able to rise to the challenge as her husband was.

And I knew she was strong, and full of grace and that she had what it took to move forward, but this week, for the first time in a long time, I thought just about her.

How eloquent she is, first at the memorial service, when she stood before us and playing her role as the Godfather said, "you have all asked if you can help, and I'm here to say that there will come a time, when I will call on you". And we laughed.

At Erik's Memorial, Mariza had already begun the work of making everyone else feel better, of taking our hurt and pain for her, as a sign of how loved her husband was and how loved she was.

I'm sure she is bitter. I'm bitter. How can she not be bitter? But she is not resentful, she is not angry. She puts everything she has into remembering Erik and supporting the Memorials that are popping up all over the state and elsewhere in his honor.

I'm not sure Joyful is the world I would use, because it would be misinterpreted. But Mariza is going on with her life, embracing the part that Erik played in it. Making his memory a joyful one, instead of the bitter painful mark it could be. Honoring him with her continued zest for life and smoking half marathon pace. She has already run in at least two runs that I know of on his behalf.

Amazing.

Erik is gone. Nothing can change that. And nothing will change our memories of him. Of wanting to emanate him, of wanting to be a better person, a stronger person, a more confident person.

My eyes now turn to her, I see the woman he has left behind in all her strength and glory, in the way she is fierce in competition, the way she graceful under pressure, the way she is giving of herself and time and the way she promotes the legacy that was not only Erik's, but her's as well. The way she has prepared for this new life, for her and the girls.

The future is unknown to all of us, may I face it with a the grace and composure that my friend has shown in the last few months. May I handle the curve balls thrown my way with the fortitude that she has shown and may I always remember in the face of grief, that life is joyful, tomorrow is another day and sometimes carrying on is enough. And sometimes, you need to give more then enough.

Mariza in orange

*Time to move on-Tom Petty